Subject: Internet humor/Virus warning.
Are you one of those who have recieved virus warnings in your e-mail?
Welcome to the club buddy!
These messages are sent with nauseating regularity to your e-mail account
as well as posted on Usenet by doo-gooders who have no idea they're
causing almost more distress and damage that what the actual and factual
viruses are causing.
Ay-ok, nuff said.
This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING
If you see a message on the boards with a subject line of "Badtimes,"
delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous
It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble
any disks that are even close to your computer (20' range at 72
farenheit). It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting
so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize
the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code,
screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to
scratch any CDs you try to play.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will
program your phone autodial to call only your mother's number.
It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your
beer and leave its dirty socks and underware on the coffee table
when there's company coming over.
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere
with your car radio so that you hear 1940's hits and static while
stuck in traffic.
"Badtimes" will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile.
It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your
shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your
current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel
rendezvous to your Visa card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead,
such is the power of "Badtimes", it reaches out beyond the grave to
sully those things we hold most dear.
It will rewrite your back-up files, changing all your active verbs to
passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which
grossly change the interpretation of key sentences.
"Badtimes" will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet
seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full
bathtub. It will drink all you soda then pee on your bathroom floor.
It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and
pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and
subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather
interesting shade of mauve.
These are just a few signs. Be afraid, be very, very afraid.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!
Click on the "virus" to return to the unreliable page.
Last revision Mars 1, 1998.